Everyday, is a struggle for me.
Yet....I smile.
Yes, I smile because even though I may not have a cellphone or my own car and even though I may disagree a lot or a little with my parents or sibling.
Even when I get in a car crash, lose a job, hit my foot on the corner of my dresser cabinet in the morning. Even when I trip and fall, spill my milk on my new pants, forget to take the food after paying at a drive-thru restaurant.
EVEN AFTER i had a bad argument with my girlfriend or with my best friend. Even if I was stabbed in the back by my best friend and/or worse.....by my own family member.
Even though I got stopped by a cop and had to pay a ticket or I can't find my car keys, wallet, glasses and get late to work.
Even when i make bad decisions and suffer the consequence later, try to help someone and i end up getting hated by that person. When i don't feel understood or I'm in a bad mood. Even when i lose a close one that has been dear to me all my life, I end up separating from my friends after high school because we are no longer obligated to see each other everyday so everyone goes on to their different paths and set of to start their new lives. Even when, i have lost trust on those who lead this beautiful country I live in.....I was BORN in..... and call home.
When everyone is against me or I against the world. Even when I lose faith in my God, when I doubt and cloud my mind with useless clutter, having lost faith in myself and I feel lower than dirt.....
I remember ...... that HE loves me.
WHY? i don't know why. What did I do to possibly deserve such love.
When I feel like ALL that I have mentioned. I remember a song that comes to me from a poet:
"I'm here again before you, in humble prayer. You don't even half to answer.....just set your eyes on me my Lord. I just don't know what to think, and I don't even know how to express..... the fear and the wonder that is in me. I still do not know, you have yet to let me know, what you have seen me for you to love me. It's just that I can't find the reason of such WASTED LOVE........who am I, for you to love me so."
and when I remind myself of this........ I smile.
Well said my friend. It's the biggest one sided deal in the history of the universe...but how beautiful that He lets us be a part of it. "whoa, How He loves us." It never ceases to amaze me :) Stay strong and keep fighting that good fight. It's gonna be worth it all... :)
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